Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dick very happy bro
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
