I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
