you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
