Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
