Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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