Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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