how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
