she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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