someone threw a dead crab at me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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