Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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