he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
