I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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