I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
