my phone needs a breathalizer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
