i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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