Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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