You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
