I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I could fuck to npr.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
