Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
