Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
True strength comes from lack of pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
