you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He did a backflip because drugs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
