We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
