I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
