dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
