Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
