Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
