I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
smell my finger.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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