So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
