It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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