btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
