I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
