eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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