Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
