are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
