his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
