Porn is love you can see.
I smell stomach acid.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
