Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
