If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
