dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
