I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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