Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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