Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
