i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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