I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
