You just made me feel so damn special
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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