can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
