Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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