The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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