trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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