It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
