She tied me up with her honor cords...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Mom said you looked used
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
