The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
