11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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