some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
