a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
