Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
