Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
