She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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