I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
