Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
