I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
