Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
