You just made me feel so damn special
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
