so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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