Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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