plz talk dirty to me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
