he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
