My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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