I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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