They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ttyl tear gas
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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