do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
