Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
